Group therapy for parentification & childhood emotional neglect
Tuesdays, starting February 6, 2024
15 months, one session per week
7-8:30pm IST (1.5 hours per session)
6 members | Online only
Per session charges:
INR3000+18%GST (3540) for persons based in India
USD80 for persons based outside of India
(financial accommodation is available only to those from financially or institutionally disadvantaged backgrounds)
Why this group
If large parts of your childhood were dedicated to being the person who was responsible for the emotional wellbeing of your parents, whether by being their friend, confidant, therapist, protector or problem solver, then you are likely parentified.
A significant way of how you know yourself is as this caregiver, responsible person who puts their needs aside to tend to others, struggles to say no to requests for help, and is always present even if it is extremely difficult for you. As an adult, you might find yourself in caregiving positions that are exhausting and unreciprocated, and in relationships that depend upon or exploit your caring efforts. You might yourself struggling with in explicable bursts anger and constant guilt. There is an inability to know what you need or enjoy, and an aversion to ask for help and receive care.
But if you’ve reached a point where there is a voice inside you that wants to say no being this way, then you could consider group therapy that is intended to dedicatedly address your parentified personhood.
If you’d like to learn more about parentification, please read this detailed article, or fill the form at the end of the page and let’s figure it out together.
In this group…
In group therapy, we find ourselves in a supportive environment among those who resonate with similar childhood experiences, along with a therapist. Here, safely, we can become curious about -
What is the narrative of your unique parentification - what happened and how does it impact you today as individuals, parents, partners and professionals?
The loss, grief and anger we need to process to allow this caregiver part of you to rest or even retire.
What emerges when you pull back from caring from obligation, and begin caring from choice? What happens in your relationships when there is balance in the give and take?
What it feels like to bear the discomfort and excitement of these emergent parts of you, both in therapy and in the world outside.
Suggestions for who this group might be for…
While parentification can look like so many things in our adulthood, there are a few areas that really harken back to such childhood experiences that may lead to feelings of neglect or parentification -
Therapists, social workers and others in helping-professions to examine what drives us to work so hard for others in emotionally demanding environments
Parents of young children - if you find yourself confiding about difficult emotional challenges from your past or present to your children, asking them to relay messages to other family members on your behalf or leaning on them in a way that may be exceeding their developmental abilities to be there for you, please consider if you yourself were once this child, and would now like to take therapy to break this intergenerational cycle.
Adults who had to broker the relationship between their parents and the world - you might have been young children to first generation immigrants, or your parents may have had debilitating conditions (physical, psychological, financial) that necessitated your dedication mediation between them and the world.
This is not an exhaustive list, just suggestive. If your prolonged attention to your parents strained you, took something from you that has left you seeking that same care, or repeating those same caregiving patterns, then this group might be a good fit for you.
Some questions I’ve frequently responded to…
What tools will this group give me to fix parentification?
This is a depth-oriented group. This means that we are not solution focused, doling out ‘tips and tricks’ on how to solve parentification. We recognize that caregiving - parentification - was a much needed and deeply intelligent coping mechanism. We need to honor this entire way of being as we begin to say goodbye to it and become comfortable in other ways of being. We will certainly build resources as we go along, but this is not a ‘manualized program’.
I like who I am - I like being a caring person. I don’t want to change that.
The aim is not to abandon care of others in favor of ourselves. We are learning instead of what a healthy sense of give and take can look like.
I love my parents - I don’t want to speak ill of them, let alone in a group setting.
Agreed. There is no call to blame parents; in fact we may well empathize with them at some point. Our aim is to review our life, part of which is to understand what happened to bring us here. This may include holding our parents accountable, while also understanding how they were products of their own times and circumstances because that’s the inheritance we’re living with.
I don’t want to keep harping on about the past. It doesn’t help.
That’s fine. We can work with what’s coming up for you today. It cannot be denied though that our childhoods have a profound influence on our lives today. I’d be more curious to learn how did it become so that visiting your past became so tedious or unhelpful that you’d prefer to just cut it off and move past. That said, there is no rush to visit any part of your life that you don’t want to, till you’re ready to.
Advisory & recommendation
It is recommended that you have experienced individual therapy before joining group therapy for parentification and childhood emotional neglect. Please discuss your readiness to participate in group therapy with your individual therapist. In our intake, we will discuss it together too.
You may also be encouraged to continue in individual therapy for the duration of group therapy. This is because oftentimes, we have suffered other forms of abuse along with emotional neglect (such as sexual abuse), and this group will not be suited to attend to the fullness of those experiences.
The group is also not suited to support you if there are active thoughts, intent or attempts to harm yourself.
The intake process
1
Get in touch.
Fill the form below. Group therapy always begins with the individual assessment of potential participants.
2
Intake process.
We set up a time to talk with you and assess if the group is a good fit for you. Once I complete the intake process, I’ll get in touch with you and we’ll decide together how best to proceed.
3
Choose if you’d like to proceed.
If you agree to join the group, we’ll set up an introductory 1-1 session to go through further information, and to help transition you into a group space. Then we begin :)
Some things to note…
A group only begins if the intake assessments reveal that a therapeutically cohesive cohort is possible (a maximum of 6 members). This is difficult and sometimes despite you being a good fit, the group may not be able to begin. We will support you as you decide the next steps in your mental health journey.
Participants commit to the entire duration of the group.
This group may have people from different countries. A final decision on the day and time will be based on the best possible option that accommodates everyone.
If group therapy is a new experience for you, please consider reading more about it here.
(These are not support groups; rather, these are time-limited, therapeutic groups that are led by a therapist towards augmenting interpersonal or relational facets of your journey. Participants commit to the entire duration of the group and the highest standards of confidentiality are maintained even in group processes.)
The therapist
This group will be facilitated by Dr Nivida Chandra.
I have been researching and working with parentification and childhood emotional neglect for over a decade.
I approach therapy as a space where we reimagine who we are and how we’d like to live. I believe we each have a deep knowing about what’s chafing against our grain, and that something - a pattern, a fear, an anxiety, circumstances - is coming in the way, and perhaps for good reason. Together, we find the courage to look within, examine where we are truly choiceless against the vastness of our lives, and in which pockets can we begin to choose to live the life that makes us feel whole.
(You can read more about me here.)
To join this group, sign up via the intake form below & we’ll be in touch.
Request for an Intake Call
This is a 2 minute form. We want to know just a couple of things about you, so we can support you as best as we can.
ALL information given here will be kept strictly confidential and used ONLY for helping you decide on therapy at KindSpace.
We will be in touch with you soon after receiving your form.